It’s understood the nation’s self-styled defender of the moral high ground, blowhard Piers Morgan, has been fitted for a figure-hugging superhero costume to be worn when he is fighting for the greater good as his new alter ego Morally Outraged Man.
Fashioned from a Union Jack print in Lycra and consisting of a cape and mask with the obligatory Y-fronts over his tights, Morgan will don the outfit and wage war wherever he sees what he decides is wrong and everything else he disagrees with.
His superpowers are a boundless lack of self awareness and the ability to shout down everything anyone says, except for the drivel of Donald Trump, whose speech overpowers Morgan in the same way Kryptonite does Superman, turning him into a sycophantic and simpering arse-licking fanboy.
Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Cressida Dick, has confirmed that Morgan has presented the force with a huge lamp to project a light into the night sky depicting his superhero emblem – a middle aged male with smoke pouring form his ears.
When the light shines it will be the call to arms that will see Morgan swing into action to start mouthing off like some stereotypical misinformed wanker down the pub.
Speaking from his new headquarters, a big greenhouse he calls ‘My Fortress of Amazing’ he said: ‘I, Piers Morgan, have stepped up to the plate to singlehandedly save our great nation by spouting an endless stream of total shite across all stands of media.’
‘My personal integrity is peerless and completely beyond reproach. So who better than I, the great Piers Morgan, to take on this vital role. By the way, did I mention I know Donald Trump personally but of course you don’t, you failing loser.’