The National Association of Fish Fryers and Chip Shop Operators has voted overwhelmingly to stop wrapping takeaways in The Daily Mail.

Speaking at their national conference in Blackpool, association president, Eddie Ramsden, told delegates: ‘Although in recent years wrapping takeaways in newsprint has all but died out, nevertheless some customers in areas like Hoxton and Shoreditch, who are happy to be ripped off for a full retro experience, have been willing to risk poisoning from newsprint chemicals leeching into their chippy teas and sausage suppers.’

But it seems that even these die-hards are drawing the line, because in blind tastings since the Brexit referendum results have shown food wrapped in The Mail takes on a sour and bitter taste, something that has now been proven to be linked directly to the paper’s editorial policy.

Mr Ramsden went on to suggest that perhaps in future members might consider using something less toxic as a wrapping, like for example: ‘What about used toilet paper reclaimed from sewage farms?’