There was ill-concealed anger as many festival-goers left Worthy Farm today, after Sir David Attenborough’s Sunday afternoon gig on the Pyramid Stage was lambasted by audience and critics alike as having been the worst Glastonbury performance ever.
Sir David took to the stage as expectation reached fever pitch, but instead of singing some songs or playing any music at all, the former Blue Planet frontman just stood there and talked about the planet, pollution and plastic bottles.
Music fan, Gareth Little, who was in the crowd said: ‘I know he’s a nice old gentleman but his show was pure shit. I can’t remember any of the songs at all, and as regards getting the crowd warmed up for Kylie… he just fucking killed the atmosphere stone dead, man. Especially that video of the sperm whale eating a discarded KFC bucket. Major bummer!’
And iconic Princess of Pop, Kylie, agreed. ‘Christ, mates, I had to work my butt off to get the punters warmed up again. Strewth cobbers, it was quite an effort I can tell you. They’d only stopped booing Sir David when I did Spinning Around at the end of my own set.’
It’s understood that next year’s Saturday headlining show by U2 is now in doubt, as Bono cannot be trusted just to shut the fuck up and play some bloody music.
‘Look, after Sir David the last thing we want for 2020 is another do-gooder whining on like some kind of bleeding heart about all the injustices in the world,’ said a clearly annoyed festival organiser Michael Eavis.