It is understood following reports Iran has seized two oil tankers in the Straits of Hormuz, both with British links, that serial chancer, clueless self-serving waffling windbag and total buffoon, Boris Johnson, has contacted the 1922 Committee to ask that his name be struck from the ongoing ballot for leadership of the Tory Party.
Speaking on Newsnight Mr Johnson said: ‘Now look here, this sort of thing is not what I signed up for when seeking the party leadership. I was simply interested in getting the keys to the pad in SW1, well that and all the totty, I mean totty love power don’t they? Oh and of course the free nosh too. You know, state banquets and lunch with The Queen. Haha… nom nom nom! Eh? What? Eh?’
‘However now this bally old boating business has blown up it might mean me having to get to grips with some actual facts in what is a potentially very serious matter of global security destabilisation, which of course would be a frightful inconvenience.’
‘It would undoubtedly seriously cut into what I like to call ‘Boris time. So sod that for a game of soldiers, and as they say on Dragons’ Den… I’m out!’
Meanwhile there are reports that feverish diplomatic activity is going on behind the scenes to find a solution to the deepening crisis with one Whitehall insider saying: ‘We will leave no stone unturned in our efforts to ensure the 1922 Committee fully complies with Mr Johnson’s request.’