As he prepares to move into No. 10 a victorious Boris Johnson outlined his approach to the many problems he and his administration will face in the coming weeks.
He told the media: ‘I feel the weight of the nation’s expectation resting upon my shoulders and that is why I shall be adopting a Jiminy Cricket approach to running the country. When facing important major decisions I shall simply ask myself what would Jiminy do?’
‘For example look at this rannygazoo over the Irish Backstop. It tied dear old Theresa up in knots but not me. Taking a leaf out of Jiminy’s book I shall simply “give a little whistle” and that along with good old British pluck and optimism will do the rest. That’s how we saw off Mr Hitler and that’s how we’ll sort out these Micks.’
‘Similarly on our no deal Brexit I have the solution well in hand. So when I go off to Sproutland to let Johnny Foreigner know the score and he makes that po-faced expression and says Non Monsieur!’
‘I shall simply give a little whistle, and if that doesn’t work, then we shall sit around the table and drink lots of cups of hot strong sweet tea. Just like we did in the War. British true grit, spunk and blind desperate hope will always win the day, Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.’
However there are already angry rumblings coming from across the pond suggesting Boris might just have a fight on his hands. Walt Disney was unavailable for comment but a spokesman for the company said: ‘Copyright infringement involving any of our much-loved characters, particularly by Mr Johnson, will see us taking immediate and robust legal action.’