Following only the briefest of phone conversations between Donald Trump & Boris Johnson, where apparently according to Trump they have already started work on a truly greatly bigly trade deal, in fact ‘the bigliest trade deal the world has ever seen’, it has been announced that as a precursor to opening hitherto unimaginable levels of business between our two countries, a new 50-lane motorway bridge between New York and London is to be constructed.

Mr Trump said: ‘You know that I’m so impressed by the charm and charisma of the new English PM that America will fund the whole goddamn thing. At first I said, “no way, Boris! funding for this is on strictly 50%/50% basis, but then, heck, he was so optimistic, beguiling and charming that I just had to say shucks fella, OK, we’ll lift the entire check for it.’

‘Yes folks Boris really is that fantastic, and by the way, England where he lives, a place you don’t often hear a lot about… well that’s a bit of the UK along with Germany and France. Hey, who knew?’

Johnson himself later confirmed the news: ‘Yes it’s all true and I’m delighted to further announce the special relationship our two countries has always enjoyed, has been boosted by the power of 100 since I became PM.’

‘I can confirm that the bridge, which will be festooned along its entire length by trees and flowers, will be open by the middle of September when lorries will start to roll between our two great nations. So what about that, eh? It’s amazing what you can get done once you put your mind to it.’

Meanwhile construction experts and business analysts have met the news with considerable scepticism, with one senior industry figure saying: ‘In all honesty this project, not to mention it very short time frame, sounds rather ambitious. It’s almost as if Boris and Trump are making up any old nonsense in order to make Boris look good in the eyes of the British electorate but to keep him firmly in Trump’s back pocket for when he’s needed.’