In a surprise report published today in America, it is being claimed that it has been guns that have been killing people in America during its long history of mass shootings, and furthermore, if gun control laws weren’t so lax in allowing almost anyone to buy them easier than they can a pack of cigarettes, then instances of these all too frequent  horrific atrocities would decrease significantly.

The report’s author Dr Jim Chivers of The University of Baltimore said: ‘Folks might find this hard to believe but the constant in all such incidents is the presence of a firearm or firearms. The people senselessly mown down in schools, shopping malls, cinemas and concerts etc. do not of themselves cause the mass murder; on the contrary it takes the presence of guns to do this.’

‘It’s definitely the guns, so what this report says is why not make them impossible for anyone, except those who need them for their work, to get a hold of.’

But powerful lobby group, the NRA, comprising of utter nut cases and John Wayne wannabe fantasists does not agree. One such member, Zeke Abernathy, said: ‘Shucks, this doctor guy is just doggone crazy. I dang need my guns, all forty of them, just in case I am attacked in my home.’

‘Because you see, boy, I am that “good guy with the gun” and I’m defending America against the bad guys. I support our President, Mr Donald Trump, cos he is the saviour of downtrodden folks like us, but best of all, he hates all foreigners; particularly Mexicans and all Latinos. Hell yeah!’

Meanwhile in response to Mr Abernathy, not to mention the many hundreds of thousands of similar arguments made by gung-ho gun-toting morons, nearly all Americans with a brain said: ‘Let’s do something to stop this craziness before more innocents are needlessly slaughtered.’

However early reports suggest their pleas will fall on deaf ears.