Why aye bonny lad, forritz reight propah grim up Nawth leik, man woman man pet.
However not for much longer apparently, because in a surprise move Boris Johnson has decided that Antony Gormley’s iconic statue, The Angel of the North, is to be dismantled with ox-acetylene torches and replaced with a new multimedia installation featuring himself instead.
Speaking to reporters Mr Johnson said: ‘I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I… mrum-mrum-mrum-mrum…baw-baw-baw-baw… Now look, when people are driving along the A1 up near good old Georgey Land it’s bad enough that they are already in the North, but then just to add insult to injury, when the poor buggers look out of their car windows and see a great big rusting hulk of a thing, Newcastle I believe it’s called, not to mention that bloody awful drab statue by Gormley, well it’s enough to make them want to top themselves.’
‘So I have commissioned “The Boris of the North”, a super twenty metre high by 60 metre wide modern multimedia installation all about me with a large digital display unit showing whimsical episodes of my past. Like the time I flattened that little Nip kid playing rugby, the other time I got stuck on the zip wire and the time I fell arse-over-tit into a canal. That will cheer drivers up.’
In addition it’s understood the display unit will also feature the Johnson family motto in Latin – Omnes ante se aliud sui – Self always self before all else – the £350 million a week for the NHS slogan from the Brexit Bus, a selection of his first laughably unfundable cash giveaway bribes as PM and it will also broadcast PMQs live every Wednesday when Parliament is sitting. During recesses it will show repeats of Billy Bunter on loop.