Just two weeks into his term as Prime Minister Boris Johnson has revealed the secret of his success, success that’s seen him morph from bungling self-centered oaf into bungling self-centered oaf and First Lord of the Treasury

Speaking in a one-to-one interview with Piers Morgan he said: ‘Lie through your teeth, Piers. That’s the ticket. Say whatever you think Joe Bloggs wants to hear. You don’t have to believe any of it at all, and you know even better still, you don’t have to substantiate any of the jingoistic guff you come out with either. The mugs just lap it up.’

‘No need to formulate any real policies or fiscal strategies. Just feed ’em them old “Britannia rules the waves” cobblers and, Bingo! It’s really is that flipping easy.’

‘I mean, just look at me. I’m now PM. How bloody crazy is that? Can you think of anyone less capable or more unqualified than me? Nope, me neither.’