The Nation’s favourite tank engine, Thomas, has waded into the HS2 review controversy slamming the proposed super railway scheme ‘a cash-guzzling preposterous government white elephant, not to mention a ludicrous vanity project which should be discontinued despite billions upon billions having been ploughed into it already.’
‘Toot-toot,’ said an incandescent Thomas, adding, ‘this bloody shambles of a project is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, and why on earth we’re even wasting time in having a review… then fuck only knows. This nonsense should never have found it’s way off the drawing board in the first place and the tosser who dreamt it up needs their arse kicked from now into the middle of next week.’
And other rolling stock were quick to add their support with both Henry and Gordon expelling plumes of dark steam in support, whilst Sodor Bossman, Sir Topham Hatt a.k.a The Fat Controller, simply sighed: ‘Christ on a bloody bike!’ as he blew his whistle to get the eleven twenty-three to Knapford rolling on time.
Meanwhile Thomas superfan the ‘slightly odd’ forty-five year-old Museum Curator and confirmed loner, Nigel Protheroe, has offered to build a gigantic Hornby model railway set in a ten-acre paddock on his mother’s farm in place of, what many are now saying, is the soon-to-be-discontinued project’
Wearing a pre-Beeching 1960s Stationmasters Hat Mr Protheroe said: ‘I can build something quite spectacular for no more than twenty thousand pounds which will be just as much practical use to our nation as HS2 would be.’
‘I mean, if in the highly unlikely event that I should ever wish to get from London to Birmingham half an hour sooner, then all I would do is catch a train departing thirty minutes earlier. It really is that simple.’