In a move that has been welcomed by proper musicians across the country the Musicians Union has announced Rave and Hip-Hop DJs will no longer be able to be listed among its members and that consequently these total shameless chancers cannot expect to be represented by the union in disputes and contractual negotiations.

General Secretary, Chris Howe, told reporters; ‘Its an issue that’s been bothering us now for years. These people have very little or no musical ability whatsoever and are simply bottom-feeders living off the genius of people with real talent. After a lengthy consultation process our committee feels we can no longer represent them.’

However DJ Charalatan who is the toast of Ayia Napa’s club scene and who can command one-off appearance fees in excess of €25,000 a night for his so-called ‘gigs’ has hit back saying: ‘I’ve earned a fortune by bluffing my way now for the past fifteen years so why would I give a shite about what the MU says?’

However the move is something that’s been on the cards now for years with one Ibiza MC who did not wish to be named telling us: ‘I’m not surprised by this really, as there’s hardly a day goes by when I don’t wake up and pinch myself really hard to check that I still haven’t been found out.’

‘I mean all I do is play music real musicians make and pass it off as my own creativity. It’s a sick joke when you think about it, and deep down I feel really ashamed if I’m being honest. But now I guess the gravy train has come into the station and I need to think about getting myself a proper job where my Mum can be proud of me.’