Serial self-publicist and piscine-featured rabble-rousing agitator, Nigel Farage, has been forced to reevaluate his position on how he can best remain in the spotlight, following his offer of an election pact with the Tories was dismissed by Boris Johnson.

Consequently as his Brexit Party is now nothing more than a busted flush Mr Farage is contemplating starting another new party with the provisional title of the Total Desperation Party.

He told reporters: ‘Look I haven’t started a new party for a few weeks, but what’s important here isn’t whether or not our great and ancient democracy has been rode roughshod over and trashed by Brussels Mandarins. Not at all. The big issue is how am I going to be seen as remaining relevant in the coming months and years ahead.’

‘My only motivation in all of this has been for adulation and hero worship. For me to come up with, let alone implement any actual cogent political strategy is laughable as I wouldn’t have a clue and have no proper policies anyway.’

‘It embarrasses me to say this but I actually think Boris, even though he is a total incompetent, could do a much better job than I ever could. The fact is that I’m a one-trick pony whereas Boris knows every trick in the book.’