In what’s being heralded as a first, popular TV show The Apprentice appears to have selected one candidate who is not a complete and utter self-serving narcissistic wanker this year.

Lord Alan Sugar the show’s gruff and no-nonsense host, who built his business empire on flogging shockingly poor quality hi-tech products to the gullible, told reporters: ‘When I met this new lot I thought – here we go again – just the usual bunch of up-their-own-arse tossers. Only on here to try and get themselves a career in the media as a Z-list celebrity.’

‘But then to my astonishment  Jim from Hounslow was different. When it came to his turn to introduce himself he spoke perfect sense. He didn’t once try and shoot any of the others down or big himself up. Talk about a breath of fresh air!’

However thoroughly unpleasant rent-a-gob Katie Hopkins who herself found fame on the show was not impressed. ‘Jim’s a snowflake and doomed to failure. He’s got no balls at all and if I had been a candidate this year I’d have had him on toast week one. He’s obviously just a lefty liberal lightweight who’s giving the the programme a bad name.’

‘It’s an insult to hardcore fans of the usual crass and arrogant fuckwittery to have such a hopeless diffident wimp on. I bet Mr Trump would never have allowed it on the American Apprentice. But of course it’s just typical of the BBC’s pathetic ethos of equality. I expect we’ll have some bloody transgender candidate on next year.’