In a completely unexpected development The BBC has announced that former PM David Cameron is to make his TV acting debut in top BBC soap EastEnders.
Reprising the role of James Wilmott-Brown and perfectly cast as a feckless toff, Mr Cameron’s character will become a thorn in the side of Mick Carter with the blockbusting denouement of their story line slated for the Christmas Day episode.
According to reports, one of them is to fall to their death from a bridge, following a drunken and bollock-naked brawl as rivalry between Carter’s Queen Vic and Wilmott-Brown’s relaunched wine bar reaches fever pitch.
One EastEnders script consultant commented: ‘We got the idea when Danny called David a ‘twat’ live on TV and thought what great conflict we could create on the show. We expect ratings to soar from November when David’s scenes start to go out.’
Meanwhile another programme insider said: ‘Danny is looking forward to meeting Mr Cameron, who if he knows what’s good for him, will keep his neck well and truly wound-in, or he’s liable to get a right good slap off of Danny if he tries coming it large with any old ‘Lord Muck’ bollocks.’
Readers will of course remember Mr Cameron completely shafting the UK when he got spooked by Nigel Farage into granting the UK’s racist xenophobic morons a referendum on the EU, subsequently losing it and pissing off to live like a king off his many many millions.
Speaking to reporters he commented: ‘Well you know, I can’t wait to get my shirtsleeves rolled up for this just like I used to do when as Prime Minister I would visit hospitals pretending to care about the NHS.’