Jacob Rees-Mogg, in collaboration Work and Pensions Secretary Thérèse Coffey, is to help introduce a new scheme that plans to see up to 95% of everyone over the age of seven holding down weekend job by this time next year.

With nothing very much to do as Leader of the House except to ponce around Westminster looking a rather fey and sepulchral Mr Rees-Mogg said: ‘I am delighted to have been asked to help roll out this simply splendid initiative. Today’s children are missing out on so many life skills by not engaging in paid work as early as possible so this is a most wonderful opportunity for them to learn.’

‘The new compulsory scheme will see young people required to register themselves “available for work at weekends”, and after an assessment interview they will be given three work placement choices, one of which they must accept or they risk being taken into care,’ Mr Rees-Mogg explained.

‘Already there has been an overwhelming interest in the scheme from several market sectors with the chimney sweeping, fish-gutting and sweatshop tailoring trades all keen to cooperate with us to give youngsters a proper start,’ added Ms Coffey.

‘We’re not sure if we will be able to secure payments at national minimum wage levels, but even if it’s around £0.90 per-hour, then at least they’ll be earning some pocket money whilst providing a lot of our donors and small business core party supporters with cheap labour,’ said Mr Rees-Mogg.