Amazon has announced it is to launch a new service for racists and xenophobes that will enable them to pay to have a personal representative read the Daily Mail on their behalf so they don’t have to. The service is to be named Amazon Slime.
Subscribers will have hate-filled replies posted on the Mail’s comments page in a user name of their choosing when signing up, thus allowing them to participate vicariously in irrational ill-informed bigotry, xenophobia and a wide variety of trolling activity.
It will be possible to stipulate the age and social demographic of your personal reader with a sliding scale of costs starting from the modest entry level (£2 per month) for an ill-informed brainwashed young mum, right through to the top-of-the-range gold star service which gets you a seventy-five-year-old Brexit-supporting homophobic racist and hardcore xenophobic little Englander (£9.99).
A spokesman for Amazon said: ‘This will enable closet right-wing crackpots, understandably averse to having their personal political views publicly exposed, pile in with hate-filled rhetoric on LGBT issues, immigration, state benefits, handouts to foreign dole scroungers and capital punishment, and all without the need for their true identities to be revealed.’
The Rev. Gyles Monroe, a clergyman from Chalfont St Peter has welcomed Amazon Slime. ‘I was nearly sucked in to this web of despicable activity once after receiving a complementary copy of the Daily Mail when staying at a Premier Inn. By the time I had finished reading it I found myself doubting the existence of God, was going to quit my ministry and even flirted briefly with joining the Brexit Party.’