In the event of Boris Johnson losing his Uxbridge seat in the upcoming general election and needing to seek alternative employment, he has told executive recruitment agencies that he most certainly does not wish to be considered for the recently vacated McDonald’s CEO role.

Rafe Carmichael, an inside source close to the oversexed shock-headed buffoon said: ‘He was talking to us earlier and categorically ruled it out. He said that if he wasn’t able to shag the people he worked with then what was the bloody point in taking such a crappy job.’

It’s understood the decision came particularly hard to Boris, because in addition to close access to all the top office totty the job would have given him, there was also the limitless supply of burgers, nuggets, fries and apple pie to consider.

Headhunters have therefore been instructed to cast their nets elsewhere with the Adult Movie Industry and Lap Dance Club Management sectors believed to be Mr Johnson’s preferred areas of opportunity.

Already one US production company, Big Bouncy Bangers, based in Burbank Hollywood has expressed an interest in offering Mr Johnson work after having been sent a bunch of explicit Polaroids and a copy of his CV.