Curious frog-man-being, Nigel Farage, in a desperate bid to keep himself in the spotlight as a relevant player in the upcoming general election, has decided to play hardball with the Tory Party by not fielding candidates in constituencies that are currently held by sitting Conservative MPs.

Still insisting that his recent twin mantras of – you vote Tory you don’t get Brexit – and – Boris’s deal is not the Brexit we voted for – are valid he said: ‘Look at the end of the day, I laid it on the line for Boris. Because I’m an absolute rabid racist and I hanker after the glory days of when Britain had many less foreigners and our glorious Empire straddled the globe.’

‘A lot of the electorate, you know those with even a partially-functioning brain, realised that I have nothing to offer this country whatsoever other than my overt bigotry, but that wouldn’t have stopped my xenophobic and moronic followers, by the way whose average IQ is around 30, voting Brexit just the same.’

However Mr Farage was keen to deny accusations that he capitulated to Boris, instead insisting by supporting the Tories he had extracted a heavy and damaging price from Mr. Johnson.

‘At face value it looks as if I got no concessions at all, nothing in return whatsoever, but you should’ve seen his face. It was a picture. He knew I had him over a barrel and he fully understood who was calling the shots,  and believe me, it certainly wasn’t him.’

‘What I’ve negotiated here is a future where Britain gets Boris and Brexit – and this is the really important bit – a deal with the EU that is considerably worse than Mrs. May’s ever was. Oh, and of course one almost entirely contrary to the will of 17.4 million people.’