Labour’s pledge to provide free broadband for every household and business in Britain if the party is elected has caused uproar, and nowhere is the proposal being met with more hostility than in the pleasure cruise sector of the holiday market; specifically in relation to British-registered vessels where operators have been told there will be no exceptions.

A spokesman for the Association of Cruise Liners, Peter Hook, slammed the move. ‘This is a monstrous suggestion. Our industry relies on cripplingly expensive broadband charges to keep it afloat.’

‘Confidentially one of our members is to place an order for the largest luxury liner ever to be seen. Its promenade deck is over the size of ten football pitches and it will boast an additional 59 decks and 30 restaurants.’

‘The cost will be met by the revenue earned from on-board Internet charges by another of their much smaller vessels during just one single 2-day cruise around the Fjords.’