Despite it having been one of the wettest Autumns on record, the UK’s water companies have been quick to warn that should we get more than two dry days between now and Christmas, then consumers should not rule out the possibility of widespread water shortages, and hence strict rationing being implemented over the Festive Season.

Tam Som Li, a spokesman for one major UK supplier speaking from Malaysia said: ‘It’s quite simple. Now that Britain’s water is owned by the private sector, with many of the parent companies being overseas concerns, we can’t really justify spending shareholder dividends by wasting the vast sums required on improving reservoirs and ageing pipework infrastructure. After all, our shareholders demand the maximum yield possible on their investments.’

When asked for his views on the situation Boris Johnson said: ‘Erm… now look here I can’t possibly comment. Well at least not until I have my financial advisors clarify whether any of my overseas portfolio is invested in the water supply sector.’