In a move that will see Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party further enraged by what will surely be viewed as more US meddling in the upcoming UK general election, President Donald Trump is planning to take time out following the NATO summit this week to ‘go on the knocker’ with Boris Johnson.

Speaking from his desk in The Oval Office Mr Trump said, ‘Hey, Boris is a great guy. I like him and am prepared to help in any way that I can. We’re really great friends. Just so good.’

‘As a matter of fact I’m gonna ask my good buddy Nigel Farage to join in and all three of us will go out walking the streets together. Maybe in Camelot if that’s a marginal territory. Won’t that be really something?” The President then addressed an aide: ‘Hey you, fella. Go find out if Camelot is a marginal and get straight back to me. And be quick about it!’

One staunch Conservative supporter, Lt. Col. (Rtd.) Patrick Chambers MBE, who plays imaginary war games in a WW2 Nissen Hut in the back garden of his Billericay bungalow commented:

‘You know, if this happened and all three were to walk up my driveway I think I would probably ejaculate all down the front of my trousers, right there on the spot. It would be even better than the time that Asian family three doors down finally moved out of the cul de sac.’

It’s understood at one point Vladimir Putin had intended joining the trio but in a tweet addressed to Mr Trump he wrote – I cannot make it as I have an uprising to quell – pleased to see that you’re following my orders. But a word of warning. Make a mess of this and Corbyn wins… there will be consequences.’