A number of clippings have been taken from the rare Magic Money Tree under the personal supervision of celebrity gardener, Alan Titchmarsh, and are now being cultivated in the No. 10 greenhouse as part of a plan to pay for the myriad giveaways promised by Boris Johnson in the Tory manifesto and when on the campaign trail during the general election campaign.

Previously thought only to have been a figment of Jeremy Corbyn’s imagination, the tree was sensationally discovered two years ago by Theresa May when PM and she acquired it for the Tories. She immediately shook one billion pounds from its branches and used the money shamelessly as a grubby bribe which was given to a now totally irrelevant and discarded group of Middle Ages enthusiasts called the DUP. In return they disgracefully propped up her woefully ineffectual administration.

In a break with royal protocol it’s been confirmed,, that in an attempt to yield a bumper yield, number ten has enlisted the help of HRH Prince Charles to visit the greenhouse twice a week to speak words of encouragement directly to the cuttings.

They are being tended round the clock by Mr Titchmarsh, and should be ready for planting out in early January if all goes well. Part of the nurturing programme involves feeding them weapons grade bullshit to be supplied by the prominent frontbenchers Matt Hancock, Dominic Raab, Michael Gove and Jacob Rees-Mogg with an almost endless stream coming directly from the PM himself.