One week on after his resounding win at the polls Boris Johnson has finally given the long-awaited interview with Andrew Neil. Speaking to the veteran hatchet man in an article to be published in this coming weekend’s Observer Johnson shared the secret of his success.

‘Lie through your teeth, Andrew. That’s the ticket. Say whatever you think the plebs want to hear. You don’t need to believe any of it, and you know even better still, you don’t need to substantiate any of the jingoistic guff you come out with by formulating any real policies or strategies. Just feed ’em any old Rule Britannia cobblers. It really is that easy.’

‘All that nonsense about forty new hospitals, fifty thousand nurses and free money for all? Just made it up. Every bit of it. So what are they going to do now? Sack me? Well not at least for five years anyway. Next time I’ll just fib again and the mugs will suck it up an re-elect me. Haha! What a lark, eh?’

‘I mean to say, come on. I’m the flipping PM for goodness sake. How crazy is that? Can you think of anyone less capable, competent, qualified or trustworthy than yours truly? Nope, me neither.’