Iain Duncan Smith is reported to livid today after news has emerged, that due to teething problems with the rolling out of new computer software, the knighthood conferred upon him in the New Year Honours list will take at least six weeks or very possibly even longer to process.

Until then it’s understood that the heartless and uncaring benefits-slashing ogre, one of the architects of Universal Credit, and thus being responsible for having thrown many disadvantaged people into shockingly unnecessary hardship and distress, must make do with continuing to be plain mister and will need to rely on hanging about in the society of other toffs to allow him to swank around like he owns the place.

Speaking to reporters he said: ‘I’m extremely disappointed by this absolute shambles. It’s a complete debacle and really you would think that if they are going to do something like this, then at the very least everything would have been checked to ensure the process would go without any hitches or holdups.’

‘I have known about this truly magnificent honour being bestowed upon me for quite some time and have had new cards and stationery printed up. But now they tell me I’m going to have to wait for who knows how long before I can use them. So perhaps someone from the Cabinet Office might care to tell me what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?’