Conservative MP and Minister of State for Security, Brandon Lewis, is cock-a-hoop today after his application to the Department of Transport requesting that his car lot, Brandon’s Autos of Romford was approved. It means the business can now carry out MOT testing.
A delighted Mr Lewis told reporters: ‘This is fantastic and it will mean that I can expand my business to not only include second hand car sales, but I will now also be able to get more money from motorists for the flimsiest of reasons.’
‘I’m thinking of things like borderline levels of CO2 emissions or the likes of brake efficiency readings falling dangerously close to government recommended guidelines. Like, err… hello! KER-CHING! It’s going to be amazing and I predict quite an upturn in my own personal finances as a result.’
In recent years, what with his immaculately swept back not-a-hair-out-of-place styling, some have compared Mr Lewis to Swiss Tony, the much-loved secondhand car salesman from the BBC’s iconic Fast Show. When this was put to him Mr Lewis commented.
‘Well you know, running a car sales and MOT test centre is not unlike making love to a beautiful woman. You first must seduce her with your patter; win her trust unreservedly and then when her defences are down, it’s bish-bash-bosh, a sharp intake of breath, and that’ll be fifteen hundred quid, love. Lovely Jubbly!’