Following further thinly-veiled threats by Prime Minister and utter moron Boris Johnson, the BBC has announced that as part of a cost-cutting exercise and to save paying top stars large salaries, it will close its world-famous drama department later this year.

It is understood the department will be completely disbanded meaning big names will no longer be cast in future projects. Instead all new drama shows will be staged by amateur dramatic society, The St Michael’s Strolling Players from Acton.

The first programme commissioned under the new regime will an adaptation of the James Joyce classic, Ulysses, with bus driver Alan Chivers cast in the lead role of Leopold Bloom. The production is to be broadcast live from Acton Drill Hall to save on costly studio sets and recording facilities.

Daphne Miller a doctor’s receptionist as well as the group’s creative director and seamstress said: ‘Alan’s really not bad at all once he settles his nerves, and his Sky Masterson, when we did Guys and Dolls last Summer, was warmly received by the critic in The Acton Bugle. He might be a little shaky at remembering lines but if we write them on bits of the set everything should be fine.’

Meanwhile Lefty luvvies are said to be distraught on hearing the news and a source close to several told The Sun: ‘Well of course they’re absolutely gutted. After getting away with riding the gravy train for so long they just doesn’t know what they’re going to do now.’