In a first for UK medicine, patient Dagmar Turner played scales and improvised tunes as surgeons at King’s College Hospital in London removed a tumour from her right frontal lobe.

However one of the medical team in attendance has complained bitterly about Ms. Turner’s pitch, timbre and choice of repertoire, judging the entire recital as “bloody wobbly and truly awful”.

The Symphony Orchestra member asked her surgeon if she could be allowed to remain conscious and play her instrument throughout part of the tricky procedure that may have affected her left hand dexterity.

But former Brexit MEP and self-styled music buff, Martin Evans said: “My ears are still bleeding. What a racket.”

“Blimey, my four-year old daughter who has only started playing is ten times better than she was. Tell you what, if I’d paid good money to hear this then I’d have been first in the queue to get a full refund.”

“To be honest the last time I heard anything that woeful was when my wife took me to a gig by that scruffy git Nigel Kennedy who stopped playing Vivaldi after the interval and ‘treated us’ to a cacophony of noise by some foreign guy called Jimi Hendrix.”

“I looked him up when I got home and he didn’t even play the violin. What the hell’s that all about?”