In a move that’s already ruffling upper class feathers Boris Johnson’s government is to ban the burning of bank notes from the middle of 2021.
A spokesman for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs said, “The new polymer notes now in circulation, although harder to forge, unfortunately will not burn in an environmentally friendly way.”
“So we are advising the nation’s mega-wealthy who intend burning their money in whatever way they wish do so, to quickly accumulate massive stocks of paper notes if they want to continue having their fun.”
One filthy rich City Banker, Simon Williams said, “I think this is all wrong and is quite frankly discriminating against rich people like me. I like nothing more than rubbing the noses of poor people in the dirt, you see.”
“And believe me there’s no better way of doing it than burning unspeakably obscene sums that could have been, in their distorted view, used to help them do boring things like eat and pay energy bills and so on.”
However Obadiah Ramsbottom, a lifelong Labour supporter from Yorkshire who voted Conservative for the first time in the General Election and who hasn’t got a pot to piss in said.
“It’s not my place to tell my betters how to spend their money. I’m just happy in the knowledge that Boris has my back and will see me right in the end.”