TV Supervet Dr Sean O’Williams has caused a storm upsetting cat lovers by insisting their beloved moggies are “sly sneaky self-centered feckers that love to shit in your neighbour’s flowerbeds just for the craic.”

“They’re genetically programmed with an inbuilt sense of malice,” explains O’Williams, “only responding to humans when eejit owners stand banging a can of cat food with a spoon, shouting the cat’s name in some stupid high-pitched voice they imagine is endearing.”

“‘But once they have eaten the food and have no more to gain by even so much as acknowledging anyone’s existence they pull up the drawbridge again. Arrogant feckin’ bastards!”

“Cats fully understand the minefield of inter-neighbour politics and really get off on upsetting this dynamic by not shitting on their own doorsteps but by doing so on next door’s instead.”

We spoke to Tiddles, one malicious moggy who said, “I love the buzz of getting my owner into trouble by pissing in anyone else’s garden but ours.”

“Last week I caused quite a scene when he came out shouting the odds after the new nextdoor neighbour tried to shoot me with a BB gun when I shat all over his prize geraniums.”

“But come on now, how was I to know the neighbour was a professional wrestler and would knock seven bells out of my poor ickle-wickle owner?”