In the face of an upcoming exposé a shamefaced Boris Johnson has been forced to admit that with total disregard for any personal gain he once did the the right and proper thing.
However, he has moved quickly in seeking to assure colleagues that the episode happened when he was a young a naive MP representing Henley and that he has since put this behind him.
Speaking on a hastily arranged one-to-one with Andrew Marr Mr Johnson said: “I-I-I-I-I err… now look Andrew, I am ashamed to say that on one occasion some chap, rather down on his luck, came to my surgery looking for help.”
“And yes, I am now mortified to admit I actually pulled out all the stops and was able to assist said fellow in a way very helpful to him… and yet advanced my own position not a jot.”
“However if I may, just let me assure all colleagues that this was a moment of very poor judgment. Utter madness on my part. This fellow caught me on a rare occasion when my guard was down. It has not happened since and it will never happen again.”
“Colleagues must believe me when I say that every decision I have taken since that day has simply been about me. One hundred percent me. Me me me! and how I can further my own power-crazed ambitions no matter what the cost to others might be.”