The nation’s favourite tank engine, Thomas, has broken his silence on HS2 lambasting the proposed super railway scheme ‘a cash-guzzling government white elephant.’
“Toot-toot,” said an incandescent Thomas, adding, “this bloody joke is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard of and why on earth we’re debating it fuck only knows.”
“It should never have found it’s way off the drawing board in the first place. I’ll bet it was that massive throbber Grayling’s idea.”
Other rolling stock from Thomas’s yard were quick to agree with both Henry and Gordon expelling plumes of dark smoke in support, while Clara just rolled her eyes as station Bossman, The Fat Controller, chose to ignore the furore simply blowing his whistle to get the 2.34 to Knapford away on time.
Alan Ransom, a thirty-five year-old model train enthusiast, a confirmed loner who’s on a police watch list said, “I could build something quite spectacular for no more than twenty thousand pounds if they like. It would certainly be every bit as useful to the country as HS2.”
He added, “In the highly unlikely event that I should ever wish to arrive in Birmingham half an hour sooner all I would do is catch a train departing thirty minutes earlier. It really is that simple.”