Some good news finally emerged today amidst the horror show that is C-19, when it was confirmed one online sports leisurewear giant is “getting the job done” by ensuring Britons are receiving deliveries of trainers and polo tops as normal.

CEO of Sports Inc. Peter Ashbury said: “Our product offering is an essential commodity and vital in  these times. Could you imagine not being able to face C-19 without a pair of the latest Nike or Adidas trainers or this year’s new golf polo designs? It hardly bears thinking about.”

However many warehouse staff are complaining about being forced to work side by side with no opportunities to practice social distancing thus jeopardising not only their own health but also the health of their families when the return home.

Williams denies these claims robustly. “I simply don’t accept that and would like to point out, first and foremost, our prime concern is the safety of our workforce. One hundred percent… and in particular my own.”

“Just say the government grew a pair, stopped leaving the decision to open or close my warehouses to me, instead enforcing closure of the operation just as they have done with shops pubs and restaurants.”

“Then my own very safe and wonderful lifestyle would change drastically overnight. That would be catastrophic quite frankly and I certainly wouldn’t want it to happen. Why would I?”