Boris Johnson speaking from his self-isolation bunker in Downing St, has hit back at criticisms of bungling and gross incompetence in his handling the current C-19 crisis, by stating unequivocally, that his prime focus is testing and he will leave no stone unturned in pursuing this goal.
Speaking on his Facebook channel during a break in a grueling session of Resident Evil 3 he said, “Testing is my now number one priority. And as your leader I do not want anyone to have to go blindly forward without being given proper reassurances.”
“So with that I mind I am pleased to tell you all that I have just had a case of Chateau Petrus Pomerol delivered here at No.10, and I make you all a solemn undertaking now, to test it fully and then report back to the nation as soon as possible.”
“Therefore in my next address you can expect to hear nuanced recommendations on food pairings and I will also be giving very comprehensive and sophisticated tasting notes to boot.”
“And now on what I’m sure you will all agree is that really positive note I must get back to the zomb… err… job in hand. By the way, I would like say it say it’s likely that I won’t be updating you until the day after tomorrow.”
“You see by the time I have quaffed that lot I just might have a bit of a thick head in the morning.”