Eamonn Holmes and David Ike have joined forces and together will undertake a theatre tour in the Autumn, when they will talk about conspiracy theories, shape-shifting lizard people and how to scoff grub. Tickets for “Eamonn & Ike” go on sale on this Friday.

‘Hi, that’s so long as I haven’t been ‘disappeared’ by state spooks for being a friggin’ eejit on live TV, so it is,’ confirmed the roly-poly Irishman.

Holmes has found himself at the centre of a media storm after failing to debunk conspiracy theory drivel that Covid-19 is in some way linked to the roll out of 5G radio wave technology.

When asked for his opinion on Holmes’ remarks one of the world’s leading experts in the field Professor Lars Johansson said, ‘Why do these so-called celebrities feel, that because of their media platform, they can pontificate on stuff they know fuck all about?’

‘For example I know nothing about baking so I don’t feel remotely qualified to tell Paul Hollywood how he should make lardy cakes. Therefore I don’t. I stick to what I know. Simples… isn’t it?’

However it’s an ill wind because Eamonn’s new showbiz partner, 24 carat crackpot David Ike, told us, ‘I can’t believe my luck! A new high profile presenter has been stupid enough to piss away their career spouting utter bollocks live on air.’

‘I feel a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The press’s mockery will now switch to Eamonn whose life will be hell. With a bit of luck I might even get back onto mainstream TV again.’