Research today reveals that a wait in the queue of your local post office is more stressful than trying to navigate your way around the M25 in Friday afternoon rush hour.

Retail Analyst, Penny Woolmer, explains, ”You may join a queue to buy a first class stamp, with only two people in front of you, but  94% of the time the person at the window is returning 11 parcels to eBay customers.”

“Just as they’re about to leave you hear, “Oh, I had better get a book of stamps too while I’m at it,” something that for some inexplicable reason adds at least another ten minutes to your wait.”

“When they finally fuck off your stress levels reach boiling point because the person now being served has forgotten the pin number for their card.”

“Twenty minutes follows when they search every purse and pocket for a piece of paper they’ve written the number on and when they finally do find it the bloody till has frozen and it all needs rebooting again.

Simon Williams, a pensioner from Tilehurst told us, “People in the queue need to chill out. I remember once in my local branch it took me three hours to buy 150 stamps for my Christmas cards.”

“She gave me 1st class but I wanted 2nd. That caused a right old kerfuffle. People weren’t too best pleased but it didn’t bother me cos I got all the time in the world and it’s normally nice and warm in there.”