Concerns are growing for former Police frontman and global superstar, Sting, following reports he was admitted to an exclusive clinic in LA suffering from a new and virulent virus, Acute Advanced Pretentiousness (AAP).
Fears began growing for the Message in a Bottle megastar when it was announced his next album project is to be a ten-disc CD set of tone poems intended as an homage to James Joyce’s Ulysses, with one piece being a forty-minute orchestral suite in three movements.
Dr Stig Johansson the clinic’s director said, “I can confirm that Sting is currently with us receiving treatment over the coming days.”
“AAP is quite a new but extremely complex disorder and needs to be nipped in the bud, you need look no further than Bono for proof of what it can lead to if not successfully suppressed.”
“However early signs indicate Sting is responding well to the medication and ego massage therapy we are giving him.”
“We’ve been assured that once treatment is complete and even though he insists his first stop will be the studio, he’s now promised faithfully it will be just to record a standard one-disc album of medieval lute and nose flute instrumentals with perhaps just madrigal or two.”