In a candid interview given to Newsnight former Prime Minister Theresa May revealed that after being out-manipulated by Boris Johnson she wanted to “proper do the back-stabbing fu**er.”

Speaking in that shrill voice she used to use during PMQs she said, “After Boris was a complete and utter disaster as Foreign Minister he then had the nerve to jack it in leaving me looking vulnerable and exposed and I wasn’t too best pleased I can tell you.”

“As if that wasn’t bad enough he openly challenged my authority undermining my leadership by writing beastly things in his Telegraph column. The impudent swine. Grrrr!”

“I’m ashamed to admit for several weeks after he became PM, I found myself hanging around Downing Street with a rounders bat tucked inside my coat.”

“I was hoping the fuck*ng dickhead would come out and try to start something because believe me, if he had done I’d have killed the c*nt!’

“I was confused about my emotions now and of course I’m full of remorse for my appalling thoughts. I can only put it down to being the daughter of a clergyman and all the feelings of repressed angst and frustration that entails.”

‘Thankfully it’s all behind me now and I’m happy to be able to say that running through a field of wheat is still the naughtiest thing I’ve ever done.’