Infinite monkey theorem just may not be too far off the mark after all.
A new academic paper claims William Shakespeare never existed and virtually everything he is credited with writing was actually composed by an infinite number of extra-terrestrial monkeys with iPads.
Author of the paper, Professor Simon Williams explained: ‘Of course these space monkeys did not write in English but used their own monkey language.”
“It was then translated by Starfleet universal translator brought here by a visiting race of aliens from the future.”
“After sifting through millions and billions of pages what was collated is now what’s accepted as the complete Shakespeare canon. And trust me, I’m not mad I tell you. NOT MAD!! Mwuahahahahahahahaha!”
Williams has posted an online image claiming it’s the original monkey manuscript, bought, he insists, at an auction on Krypton, which depicts a first draft of Hamlet’s ‘to be or not to be speech’
Eek eek, eek eek-eek-eek
Eek eek eek eek-eek
Eek eek eek eekler eek eek eek eek eek
slings eek arrows eek eekrageous eek-tune….
But luvvies and devotees of The Bard are not convinced: Paraphrasing The Bard a sceptical Sir Kenneth Branagh quipped, “Methinks this soundeth like a right crock of steaming shite. Forsooth! A ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!’