Downing St has announced prime minister Boris Johnson is to have his trademark tousled locks shorn with the cuttings made into a wig. The rug will then be auctioned and the proceeds given to ‘a good cause’.
When asked for his reaction to the news, Labour Leader Sir Keir Starmer said: ‘This is rather intriguing because as far as I can tell it appears to be the first instance of Boris ever having carried out a selfless act.”
“Call me sceptical but are you sure there’s nothing in it for him? I’d feel much happier if I knew which good cause. Do offshore savings schemes count?’
Many political analysts are in agreement with Sir Keir with this one commenting: ‘We have trawled through every aspect of Boris’s public and private career and we can find no record of him ever having done a single thing that hasn’t benefited him in some way.’
Meanwhile it’s understood Sir Elton John and actor Jimmy Nesbitt, men to whom hair is close to their hearts, are set to start a bidding war for the piece with six-figure sums rumoured but nothing confirmed so far.
A spokesman for Mr Johnson said: ‘Boris is delighted to be able to do this. He told me that it’s the least he can do.’
To which the nation chorused as one: ‘Yeah the very least. Business as usual then.”