The Global Association of Computer Viruses (GACV) has slammed Coronavirus for what it’s calling “old school technology”.

A GACV spokesbug accused Covid-19 of being guilty of destroying the high-tech and sophisticated image its members have worked hard to build up.

“We have moved heaven and earth in recent years to ensure we are the go-to worst possible catastrophe whenever the word virus is used. I mean come on. Look at all those sci-fi, espionage and dystopian movies starring us as the baddies.”

“We have worked tirelessly to bring the world to its knees, and here’s the kicker, but significantly in a clean and hygienic way. Now Covid has us wading through snot, spittle and sputum. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! The dirty filthy bastard.”

“Surely people deserve better than this. I mean what would the man in the street rather have happen to him? Ill-advised dick-pics being circulated to family, friends and work colleagues, bank account stripped, valuable files locked by ransomware? Or come down with a bit of a cold that could escalate into something awful and it ending up killing him? ”

“Basically our members cause major disruption and crises but at the end of the day no one dies, do they?”

Meanwhile thanks to Boris Johnson’s typically vague handling of the worsening crisis Coronavirus has been spotted across the UK smirking and telling people, ‘Yeah, sure. I might be old school but I’m here to stay. Mwuuahaaahahahahaha!”