Labour Leader Keir Starmer is said to have been left gobsmacked and baffled yesterday evening in Westminster following an encounter in the street were he was approached by Boris Johnson and his dad.

Mr Starmer was leaving The Palace of Westminster on foot and was walking along Victoria St. when he was approached by the pair. There then followed a brief altercation.

Boris: ‘There he is Pops. The rotter who keeps asking awkward questions based on proven facts and truth. He’s the nasty beast who’s making me look stupid and underprepared every time I do PMQs. Go on Pops. Get him!’

Stanley: ‘OK, leave this to me. I say, you there. Can’t you bally well stop saying things that make my boy look like an over privileged oaf? It’s upsetting him dontchaknow?’

Starmer: ‘You’re kidding aren’t you, Boris? You mean to say you’ve got your dad onto me to help fight your battles. You’ll be running off to Matron in floods of tears next. Can’t you stand up for yourself?’

Boris: ‘Err… not really.’

Starmer: ‘Why on earth not?’

Boris: ‘You keep on saying things that are true and showing me up for the barefaced chancer that I am. You’ve exposed my woeful handling of the pandemic and now people don’t see me as a lying but essentially lovable harmless eccentric. They’ve rumbled me as a the hopeless incompetent imbecile that I am.’

Starmer: ‘Ah, I see. Well I’m rather afraid that it’s my job to point this out to the British people. It’s what I do. My raison d’être if you will.’

Boris: ‘But you weren’t part of my master plan. Voters like and respect you. When it was old loony leftie Corbyn I got a free pass with the plebs. They’d been taught to hate him by Rupert, The Mail and Sky and so on. I couldn’t go wrong.’

Starmer: ‘Sorry the game’s changed. New rules of engagement.’

Stanley: ‘Look here old chap. I’m sure we might reach an accommodation. What would it take to get you to back off my boy. How about a nice shiny knighthood. Eh?’

Starmer: ‘Got one already thanks.’

Boris & Stanley: ‘Bollocks.’

Stanley: ‘Come on, son. Let’s go. I’ll get you a nice big ice-cream with three flakes and tell you you’re brilliant. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?’

Boris: ‘Y-y-y-yes dad.’

Stanley: ‘That’s a good little soldier. Stop blubbing and dry your eyes. Maybe afterwards we can find an exclusive little lap dancing club. Eh, what. Haha!’