In a medical first that’s left doctors scratching their heads, an obese pumpkin-headed American man has been admitted to Washington’s Walter Reed Medical Centre suffering from what’s believed to be the symptoms of a hoax.

Dr Pedro Gonzales, lead clinician on the case said, ‘This gentleman was admitted yesterday exhibiting signs of rampant arrogance, total loss of self awareness and being a peculiarly worrying shade of ochre. The odd thing is we have so far been unable to find a cause for the illness, but initial tests show it could perhaps be a perplexing and very rare hoax. Leastways that’s what we’re banking on.’

Another member of the medical team told reporters, ‘The a patient was brought here by helicopter and when we got him into a bed he was shouting a lot, giving orders to doctors, being very unpleasant about the Chinese people, and attempting to grab every female nurse either by the ass or pussy.’

‘It was pandemonium at first but thankfully things are a lot quieter now since he was put under 24-hour sedation.’