A recent series of “surreal and disturbing” TV mini dramas broadcast across the country has finally been explained after 3 complaints to Ofcom

In one the sound of a choir of angels reverberates around an exquisitely-lit woodland glade, where multi-coloured beams illuminate an ethereal mist as a soft breeze blows snowflakes into a swirling vortex.

The vortex spirals upwards towards an azure sky rising through the canopy of the trees; their foliage not formed from leaves but by swarms of deep-purple metallic locusts resting on the branches.

In another, a tabby cat on a leash is being walked by an oiled-up man wearing a loincloth (the man’s wearing the loincloth, not the cat…)

The cat morphs into a golden-maned lion that breaks its leash then pounces on a Roman Centurion who grapples with it; both locked together in desperate combat fighting to the death.

A third depicts custard pouring slowly from a jewel-encrusted golden chalice as a elf rides a unicycle on a tightrope rigged across a circus ring.

While in a fourth, an impossibly beautiful half-clad woman is recumbent on a floating emerald green-chaise lounge. Through a pince nez she watches a white mouse in top hat and tails nibble at a piece of dark chocolate.

One of the complainants, a moron named Barry Shite, who still believes Brexit is a good thing, said, “I’d just come in from the pub with my container of beef chow mein and can of lager and saw one of these. It freaked me out and I wondered what the hell it was.”

“It was proper scary and I thought it was possibly a trailer for next episode of His Dark Materials?

“Thank goodness Ofcom’s told me these are just adverts for bloody perfume or aftershave.”

Merry Christmas.